My baby is 2

2, we meet again. My baby is 2.  My last baby is 2.  To make it worse, I keep typing 3 & Zach keeps telling me I don't have any more babies & I just need to like big boys now.

Oliver is your typical 2 year old maniac. He loves to jump, climb, throw, really anything possibly dangerous or destructive he thinks is hilarious.

He's still measuring as a gentle giant. We just moved up to 3T clothes. He is 32.2 pounds, so only 3 lbs behind his big brother.  His height slowed down (I imagine a growth spurt is coming) & he's 34" tall.

He is so happy. 95% of the time he is smiling & laughing.  And this guy, he smiles & laughs with him whole body. The other 5% of the time he's super angry; usually because he cannot have a donut or watch TV.

Ollie has a lot of single words. He will parrot words right back to you & randomly say things clear. He is just forming sentences.  He usually forms them when he's super mad, such as, "I wan Daddy!", "TB on pwease!!!!" Or "oh no, wha happen?!".   His new favorite phrase is, "Mama watch dis" as he jumps off the couch.  He's not much of a talker.  But to be fair, as the last baby & the little brother, he doesn't get much of a chance to talk.

He still loves to eat, but has gotten much more selective. He currently eats breakfast food 90% of the time. He loves, loves yogurt.  He will also eat guacamole.  Still drinking almond milk & gets some juice.

He is doing amazing with his glasses. He keeps them on & has only broken 2 pairs in 5 months. The eye doctor thinks there is a good chance Oliver will not need to wear glasses anymore by the time he's 9.  Thank the sweet lord.

He currently loves Mater & Thomas the train.

He really loves being outside, even in the snow & all sports balls.

Oliver has just started really playing with his brother. It's so sweet because now Ollie will miss him & get so excited yelling brother at preschool pick up. This lasts briefly before they push each other or fight over toys.

This little guy is a hilarious handful. He is ornery as the day is long, but brings so much laughter to all of us.   

This sums it up perfectly

So how is life with 2 little boys?  This conversation perfectly sums it up:

Zach goes to preschool at a church and all of the kids gather for a message from the pastor on Fridays.

Me: "What did the pastor talk about today?"

Zach: "Farts!"

Oliver makes a fart noise and both boys start losing their minds laughing.

To be 2 and 4 year old boys. It's a simple life really. We run and jump ALL THE TIME, have daily talks about appropriate jokes, still laugh at fart jokes, Paw Patrol or Dinotrux  (it's on Netflix, dinosaurs that are also trucks, I promise you never want your kids to know about this), and eat all the food all the time.

Generally, each boy wants to do a different combination of these things, which leads to trouble. Have no fear, everything is smoothed over with a cookie break or rough housing.

Zach literally asks, "Mom, can we please rough house now?" 

It's a smelly, wrestling, fart noise, kind of daily life. We have our melt downs, ok a lot of melt downs, and time outs, but mostly happy chaos.

I really thought I had more time until the wresting with each other, but I'll take this crazy boy life any day. Don't worry, I'm no saint.  Wine helps me find the humor in the 345 fart joke of the day.

1st day of Preschool train wreck

Becoming a parent, there are a few things you imagine....apple picking, trick or treating, all sorts of kid activities you know will be adorable and amazing. I'm here to break it to you, it never goes like you picture. Movies lie with their happy, clean, non tantrum children. Those tv kids don't even have boogers anywhere on their face or clothes.

One of these activities I've been looking forward to is the first day of school. I pictured waffles with sprinkles, pictures wearing backpacks, and a lovely send off to starting a school career. What I actually got was nothing short of a train wreck.

I should have given up all hope when Oliver was up from 12:30am-3:15 am and woke up Zach.  I shuffled Zach back to bed & was confident our early risers would rebound. 

Fast forward to 8:15 am when I finally had to wake up both boys. Zach was not thrilled, but excited about school. Oliver was straight up demon baby screaming pissed. Never have I seen such rage from a small child. I got his diaper off to change him & he ran screeching the whole way through the house.

I gave up clothing the baby to focus on the big boy.....since we had to leave in 20 minutes & no one was dressed or fed. I shoved Zach into some clothes & at the table for a breakfast of whatever I could dig up fast.  So magical & special this 1st day of school breakfast.

While the big one was eating I turned my attention back to the little half naked one....who was laying face down on the carpet crying still. I stand him up, slap a diaper & some clothes on him in a manner that would make Houdini proud only to realize my knees were now wet.  During his fit of rage, Oliver peed a lake on the carper, that I was now sitting in.

I had enough time to clean the pee carpet, but not myself, shove a banana in Oliver's pie hole & hit the road.

As we're getting in the car I remember we should take pictures of this joyous day. I get Zach to stand in the driveway for a quick phone picture as Oliver starts screaming again from his car seat.

I got Zach dropped off, only 4 minutes late & smelling of pee & high tailed it to the pediatrician to exercise the demons from Oliver. Turns out he's not sick, just being a toddler sized bully.

Not what I imagined, but at the very least tomorrow could not go worse.

Did I mention today is also my birthday?  Pass me all the wine & cake year 31.

Hello MIddle Age

How are we doing around here?  We're test driving used sedans, I peed my pants last week, and we spent Friday night watching Space Jam (a really awful movie with cartoon characters and Michael Jordan....just terrible).  Overall I'd say we are living the middle aged parents dream.

Did you know, after birthing 2 children, you may pee a little while doing box jumps in a bootcamp class at the gym?  At which point I paused to have a conversation with myself..."what was that?  It can't be....did I really just pee in my pants?  What in the actual hell?  I just fu**ing peed my pants.  Good thing I sweat like a menopausal woman now, you can't even tell.  I need to start doing kegels ASAP."  I mean, being 30 is pretty awesome.

I'm clearly excelling at motherhood.

I would also like to take a moment to laugh at that optimistic woman who posted on here over a year ago about kicking butt with 2 kids hahahahahaha.  Oh sweet woman.  That little baby will do more than sleep and eat and then shit gets real.  I think I actually gave this sage advice to a woman who just had her 2nd child, "It won't seem bad, then it will seem impossible, but then it gets better....I promise it will get better".  We are entering the better phase.  We feel like we're clawing our way out of survival mode and are ready to be functioning members of society.  The boys are more mobile and Oliver can communicate more.  The boys are playing with each other, it often looks like wrestling, but I'll call it super hugging.  Overall we have hit a good stride.  Somedays are more difficult than others, but we're going on more adventures and Oliver is finally sleeping consistently (that child hates to sleep).  We are entering the 4 year old attitude and 18 month old climber stages, so I'm sure I'll regret declaring my awesome parenting and succeeding in this stage of life.  

So I leave you for 4 months and then I provide gems of peeing my pants and life being difficult.  You're welcome.

Another baby, another poop story

Oliver finally gets his very own poop post. 
Oh Oliver.  He looks so sweet, but he is so ornery. I was finishing up giving both boys a bath and needed to grab a diaper.  Oliver was out of the bath, lotioned up, pulling everything out of the drawers.  Zach was playing toys in the draining tub. 'Oliver will be fine without a diaper for a few minutes'.....stupid, stupid, stupid.

The diaper I needed was literally 4 steps away, around the corner, in Oliver's room.  I was out of the bathroom possibly 35 seconds.  Maybe add an extra 4 seconds to close then reopen the bathroom door.  Clearly I closed the door so no baby could escape down the hall and pee.

I walk back into the bathroom and there is a pile of poo in the middle of the floor.  Zach and Oliver appear to be in the excat same spot as when I left the room....35 seconds earlier.....

It looked like a big dog snuck into our bathroom to have an incident on the floor.

I just started laughing. What else can you do?  I say, "Zach did you see Oliver poop on the floor?".  Zach finally notices the mess and starts laughing hysterically.  I'm not quite sure how Zach missed the whole event in a small bathroom.

I was just happy nobody had stepped in it or made a bigger mess. 

Never, ever, ever, does it go well letting a baby run naked in the house.

Hard Worker

3 year old - "My daddy is such a hard worker. He works so hard."

Me - "Well, what about me?  Do I work hard?"

3 yo - "No mommy, you don't work hard....you just do everything."

This was the most insulting compliment I've received to date and I once had someone tell me I was pretty in an average sort of way. 

The Good and the Bad

Staying at home with the kids is a delicate balancing act of recognizing the good and not beating myself up for admitting there is bad.

The Good: I got to snuggle with my toddler at 6:30am and watch cartoons instead of rushing around to get ready and get out the door.

The Bad: I have been up since 3am since the baby is teething/has a cold/hates me and wanted to hang out for an hour or 2 in the middle of the night.  Since I get to be the one who stays home, I get to be the one who gets up with the kids.  It is more acceptable for me to fall asleep with my eyes open at home, than my husband to pass out at work and get fired.

The Good:  I don't have to change out of my pajamas.

The Bad:  There are many days I do not talk to another adult.  If this is the case I pounce on poor Matt once he gets home and either a.) throw the kids at him and run out the door....only to drive around and enjoy the quiet, still not talking to anyone; or b.) pounce on poor Matt and start firing questions at him about his social interactions.  Questions that have actually been asked include: what did you eat from lunch?  Did you get to go to the bathroom alone?

The Bad Part 2:  Pants that grow with you give the illusion of zero weight gain even though you may have hid in the pantry and ate your kids Christmas candy.

The Good:  You never miss a moment.  Those first steps, first words, hugs and kisses.

The Bad:  You never miss a moment.  Not a single tantrum, poop explosion, I hate my brother & like to yell in his face every 3 minutes moment.

The Good:  Plenty of time for play dates.

The Bad:  It could be my introvert nature, or the fact that making mom friends is harder than finding a husband was, but none of my friend stay home (most think I'm pretty bonkers for staying home myself) and I have yet to ask another mom on a date.  Play dates are going to the library and pretending we know the other people there.

The Good: You get to make all of the decisions....what your child eats, learns, can and cannot do.

The Bad: For the love of God do not put any of these choices on Facebook, they will be judged and ridiculed and commented on because you get to stay home so you should have home cooked organic meals every night, after you have done your craft and learning activity, while staying on a consistent schedule because....you know, you can since you're home all the time.  A 3 year old acts like a 3 year old no matter what setting.  Today our learning activity is in the form of Elmo...on TV.

It is heavy to be responsible for all of these things.  I am sure I'm failing everyday in at least one aspect.  But donut date Fridays, even if they happen at lunch time and not breakfast, are the bees knees even if they are not healthy.

The Good:  We have more family time to just be together and not getting chores/errands done.

The Bad: We don't have to use family time to do chores/errands because I did them.  Probably at 4am after the baby went back to sleep.  I may be burning a hole in my stomach with all this coffee in my system.  Truth, I hate 90% of the housework, but it's part of my job, just like I'm sure Matt hates 90% of the reports he has to do, or questions he has to answer.

There are so many more good and bads.  Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed and consider taking any job that is offered to me just to get out of the house, I stop Matt and tell him all the positives of working and make him point out all of the positives of staying home.  Sometimes it is hard to see the forest in the trees, or the awesome opportunity I have to stay home through the pile of laundry and dirty diapers.  It works for us and although I'll question what the hell I'm doing and then search through the want ads during the week, I can't imagine being anywhere else.