Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Dog or Hydrant

Some days you are the dog, and some days you are the mom getting peed on by her toddler.....wait, I mean hydrant.

Zach has been fully potty trained for months. He does not sleep in a diaper and always tells us when he has to go. He hates when his undies are wet at all. 

Walking out of the ymca, on the way out to the car after running errands, I must have asked Zach 15 times if he had to go potty....more like 3, but it felt like a lot.  Ohio was having am awesome -10 degree day and I wanted to get to the car and get home before we froze.

All the way out of the building...."no mom, no mama, I don't have to go".  Liar liar pants on fire. I get Oliver buckled in his seat, Zach takes his coat off and starts freaking out...of course he has to pee NOW. 

We have one choice, drop your drawers and pee out of the door in the parking lot of the ymca....into the freezing wind chill. I run around the car and it is already too late. He started peeing in his pants as I'm pulling them down, I'm yelling "wait, wait!"  Apparently he did try to wait because as I get in front of him to get his pants all the way down his stream double times and he pees on me.  It was like I was being fire hosed.

I, of course, go "turn, turn!"  duh, now he pees all over the car door.

Everything is soaked.  Luckily I keep spare pants in the car for him and had a blanket to wipe everything I'm freezing my ass off, wet with pee, standing in the ymca parking lot.  It was a sight to be seen.

Zach was thrilled he got to wear pants with no underware home.  I was thrilled no one that parked around us decided to come out during the pee incident of 2015.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Facing Fears

Some people are scared of spiders and snakes, I'm terrified of Zumba. Yes, Zumba the dance workout. The entire idea is a billion miles out of my comfort zone.  I'm missing a key element for dancing....rhythm.  My rhythm is so bad I can't even spell rhythm. Spell check had to take 10 tries to figure out what I was trying to say. I also fear embarrassing myself in public.  So, Zumba is the perfect set up for a panic attack.

Fast forward to yesterday. We joined the ymca and I figured I would try out a fitness class. Standing in the back I ask what class I've joined, really should do that prior to joining next time, and hear I'm in EXhilarate.....Zumba with hip hop instead of Latin music.  I tell this poor stranger, "well that's terrifying, I think I better go".  I'm not sure why I don't make friends with that sort if awkward appeal oozing from my mouth. 

She is chipper and alll, "just stay it's fun...blah blah".  Apparently my need to people please outweighs my fear of dancing in public.....or I didn't want to look like a giant pansy running out of a Zumba class full of ladies, many of them my senior by a good margin.

So here I was, facing fears, starting 2015 accidentally kicking butt and taking names.

I can just thank my lucky stars no one tapes these classes.  There was more booty shaking in that hour than my entire life combined. And guess what......I had a blast. 

Once I realized no one in that room, except for the instructor, had any sort of rhythm or idea what they were doing, I decided to throw caution to the wind and get down with my bad self. It's like singing in church, no matter how bad you are you sing loud and proud because you're praising the lord......when you're in Zumba you go wild and booty shake like only ever done when you're drunk, because you're working out.

Before this episode I also thought of myself as a decently fit person.  I've been running and can bang out 3-4 miles no problem. I've never had to take so many water breaks in 1 hour in my life....and I ran a half marathon. The sweat was so bad it looked like I just got out if the shower. Some poor woman was being so kind and told me as I was walking out of the building, "I just love your hair, wash and go styles are the best".  I didn't have the heart to tell her it was a sweat and go style.

So 2015, first lesson learned. Get out of my comfort zone and it may be fun. The women were all so friendly and it was a ton of fun. There were definitely a lot of moments where I just jumped around trying to figure out what the hell I was doing, but I'm looking forward to next week and perfecting my booty shake.

PS Turns out I don't have any pictures of myself on my phone, so I leave you with're welcome.....

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Sleep studies by a 3 year old

3 year old: "Mommy, I'm tired but if I sleep I can't see anything.  It's hard to sleep when I can't see."

Me: my usual blank stare, then pull some bs out of my butt....."we will go on adventures tomorrow & there will be lots to see, but you have to sleep and rest first"

Told you, complete bs.  I did start calling everything an adventure early, so Zach is no Lewis and Clark.  An adventure to Zach is going to the grocery store and getting to walk down the toy aisle.  It's either evil or genuis, I'm not sure which one. 

One man says buying stamps & mailing bills, another says adventure.  Clearly the one who says adventure is one of my children & needs to visit a therapist for this & a whole lot of other weird issues.