Becoming a parent, there are a few things you imagine....apple picking, trick or treating, all sorts of kid activities you know will be adorable and amazing. I'm here to break it to you, it never goes like you picture. Movies lie with their happy, clean, non tantrum children. Those tv kids don't even have boogers anywhere on their face or clothes.
One of these activities I've been looking forward to is the first day of school. I pictured waffles with sprinkles, pictures wearing backpacks, and a lovely send off to starting a school career. What I actually got was nothing short of a train wreck.
I should have given up all hope when Oliver was up from 12:30am-3:15 am and woke up Zach. I shuffled Zach back to bed & was confident our early risers would rebound.
Fast forward to 8:15 am when I finally had to wake up both boys. Zach was not thrilled, but excited about school. Oliver was straight up demon baby screaming pissed. Never have I seen such rage from a small child. I got his diaper off to change him & he ran screeching the whole way through the house.
I gave up clothing the baby to focus on the big boy.....since we had to leave in 20 minutes & no one was dressed or fed. I shoved Zach into some clothes & at the table for a breakfast of whatever I could dig up fast. So magical & special this 1st day of school breakfast.
While the big one was eating I turned my attention back to the little half naked one....who was laying face down on the carpet crying still. I stand him up, slap a diaper & some clothes on him in a manner that would make Houdini proud only to realize my knees were now wet. During his fit of rage, Oliver peed a lake on the carper, that I was now sitting in.
I had enough time to clean the pee carpet, but not myself, shove a banana in Oliver's pie hole & hit the road.
As we're getting in the car I remember we should take pictures of this joyous day. I get Zach to stand in the driveway for a quick phone picture as Oliver starts screaming again from his car seat.
I got Zach dropped off, only 4 minutes late & smelling of pee & high tailed it to the pediatrician to exercise the demons from Oliver. Turns out he's not sick, just being a toddler sized bully.
Not what I imagined, but at the very least tomorrow could not go worse.
Did I mention today is also my birthday? Pass me all the wine & cake year 31.