Little con artist

Zach is a smart boy and plays us bad. He already tries to manipulate us with smiles and hugs.

He had 2 days in a row he was just bad. No other way to describe it. He saw time out more than once and we were both getting frustrated. My sister called and I believe I told her I was going to drop kick a toddler....and it was only 8am....now we all know I would never do anything to harm my child, but it was the only way I could think of to convey to her how done I was. I was at my wits end and about to call up great grandma to save me.

Zach must have sensed he was pushing it too far shortly after he kicked me in the head and laughed hysterically while yelling 'no mama no kick bad!'. He must have known because he walked up to me, smiled, and said 'hold hand pwease'....melt my heart. Those little 3 words made me forget how frustrated I was. He probably heard me talk about drop kicking and turned on the charm.

He saved both of our sanity with a simple hand hold.

Happy Monday

I hope you all have a great Monday and are happier than a toddler in a sand volleyball court...

What I learned at Starbucks

It's no secret that I don't get out much. If I go somewhere it's usually to someone's house or an old person/townie bar. We are generally surrounded by people like us...30, tired, married....so we don't see a diverse population. On the off chance we're out to dinner I'm generally too distracted keeping Zach occupied and picking things up off the floor to notice anyone around us.

Today I had a weird experience where I was at Starbucks, alone, for 45 whole minutes. I had a chance to observe the diverse population outside my PBS cartoon and farmer bubble. I learned that white pants and acid wash jeans are in...like everyone wearing them....and apparently there is no age restriction. I'm no spring chicken but if I have to wonder if your acid wash jeans are new or from a White Snake video you were in, it's time to hang them up. I agree with my moms saying if you wore it the first time, you shouldn't wear it the second time around.

I also learned a lot of actual work and meetings happen in Starbucks. To the young woman today; I respect you're meeting a financial advisor, but Starbucks is small and we can all hear your business. He's trying to tell you nicely to put money into retirement and you cannot afford your start up business at this time. If you don't start listening to him he is going to bang his head on your tiny table repeatedly....I want to bang my head on my tiny table repeatedly.

Lastly I learned I'm paranoid. I went to Starbucks for their wi-fi since ours died. I was sure everyone who walked in was creeping me and looking at my computer screen. Clearly they were too important with their own meetings to care what I was doing, but I was sure they were speed reading my emails and hacking my checking account with their eyes.

As a side note I should not drink so much coffee in one day. I can hold my booze just fine, but apparently I can no longer hold my coffee without acting like I'm on drugs.

Boy mom problems: button, penis or dump truck?

Being a boy mom is rewarding and mind boggling. I may have been a tom boy but most boy things besides sports are mind boggling. I'll tell Matt something Zach did with equal parts horror and awe looking for answers. Matt just laughs at me and gives the expert explanation "he's a boy, what do you expect?".

The latest in boy horrors/hilarity has to deal with male genitalia...of course. Zach kept pointing to his little weiner and calling it button. He knows what his belly button is so we would correct him and say no, that's your penis and point to his belly button and say this is your button. A sure way to avoid confusion.

Later that day during a diaper change Zach pointed to his penis and said bulldozer! He was so proud of himself. Matt was also proud of him. I am worried what daycare will think when he calls his penis a bulldozer.

Toddler brain

It has finally happened....my brain is always on toddler mode. Matt was home this weekend so I was having the rare experience of using the bathroom by myself. The bathroom is right next to the living room so I could hear cartoons playing. I started to sing along. I'm 28 years old, using the bathroom by myself, and I catch myself singing along with cartoons from the other room. It's not like it was a good song, I can't even remember which cartoon was playing. The only thing I know is it wasn't Curious George since I hate that monkey and would never sing along to any of his shenanigans.

I also cut up my own dinner in tiny pieces the other day. I'm losing it, or just further proof I should get out more and talk to someone besides an almost 2 year old.

Time out fail

I love my child and this age is fun....sometimes I have to utter this phrase over and over in my head to remind myself. While almost 2 is fun, it is also pushing boundaries and makes me want to pull out all my hair....until Zach decides he likes me again.

With the "pushing boundaries" aka just being awful on purpose, we started time out. We have a small place with limited options so I put a chair on the corner of the kitchen. Turns out sitting in the chair is fun. You can watch tractors out the window and get the dogs to come play with you and see all the pictures on the fridge. Turns out Zach would be put in time out in purpose and just laugh at me, taunting me really, in an evil scary movie sort of way. It was time for a new plan fast since Zach had been in timeout 5 times in 2 hours and I was contemplating day drinking.

Luckily we still have the pack and play handy and he doesn't ever sleep in it, so I figured it'd be ok if he learned to hate it. It was perfect; he couldn't get out, the dogs couldn't get in, and it can be placed in a spot with the least amount of fun things to look at. The number of timeouts per hour dropped significantly and I chalked up a win for team mom....those are few and far between. I'm bringing that timeout with me everywhere. Fear the pack and play little one.

Clearly an ornery one...

5 years

Friday was Matt & I's 5th wedding anniversary. I don't think I say enough just how awesome he is. I met him 10 years ago at a random college party and my life hasn't been the same since. Over the years we have grown leaps and bounds as a couple. He makes me a better person everyday & I can't imagine life without him. We celebrated out of town without the little man. We got lots of sleep and had lots of laughs and beers.....it was the best anniversary ever. Here's to 65 more, lym.